The Forty Beads blog - marriage advice for couples with no intimacy in their marriage, marriage advice & help from author Carolyn Evans.

Equal Opportunity Beading–Just FYI

Crack reporter Bonnie Rochman at posted a piece on Forty Beads yesterday and just like that the Beads are on the move. Watch your step—they’re rolling all over Twitter and bouncing onto other sites like and

I’m grateful that the conversation has finally begun—hell, I’ve been waiting two years for it. I’m so eager for you to get the whole story that I’d pass out the book for free at Starbucks if I could. (It is officially available today where ever books are sold.) Because here’s the thing: a full understanding of The Forty Beads Method is pretty much impossible without reading the book (which let me just say, for the record, is not War and Peace—as Bonnie Rochman said, it’s a quick beach read).

As things bump along the wild world web, bits and pieces about The Forty Beads Method will dribble out into cyberspace and some of you will be drawn to the Beads and others, not so much—that’s cool! But in the interest of us getting off on the right foot, I did want to take this opportunity, at the start of the conversation, to throw a few facts about The Forty Beads Method your way:

1. I am not a sexpert. I have a Master’s in Social Work degree, and have worked as a therapist, but really, I’m just a woman who discovered a method that makes my marriage consistently great. I’ve shared it in hopes that it might do the same for you.

2. I wrote Forty Beads from my perspective, as a woman in a marriage who experienced a lower libido than that of my husband. It’s a perspective shared by many women, but certainly not by all. The Forty Beads Method addresses the disparity that often exists between the male and female libidos and offers a way to close that gap. If that’s not your experience, and you and your husband chug along enjoying a mutually acceptable frequency of sexual exchanges, then that’s great—you don’t need The Forty Beads Method. This is not the book for you. It’s for the rest of us who just need a little help getting there.

The Forty Beads Method is intended for use by all types of couples. It’s not just a hetero thing. A disparity among libidos can and often does exist in same sex couples. My hope that it will offer the same transformational experience for homosexual couples who struggle with conflicting libidos.

3. Though the Forty Beads Method involves rules that must be followed to ensure a couple’s success, couples often get creative with it, figuring out what works best for them—that’s part of the fun! One woman recently told me that after her husband redeemed all his Beads, they decided to switch it up: He held the Beadcatcher and she doled out the Beads. I encourage all Beaders to make the Method their own. (And please tell me and your fellow Beaders all the tweaks that work for you—I love hearing your stories.)

4. I don’t hate sex—quite the opposite. The Beads have shifted my libido and totally changed my perspective on the deed. In case you were wondering. (Which I know you were.)

I’ve been waiting for this chance to talk to you about this crazy idea I came up with that changed my life and is changing the lives of other couples who try it. I’m happy to help you get the ball rolling (pun intended), so if you have any questions about the Forty Beads Method, just let me know! ::Carolyn


This entry was posted in General, Marriage, Sex, The Forty Beads Method. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Equal Opportunity Beading–Just FYI

  1. Matt says:

    Quick question from a husband. How long are the 40 beads supposed to last? What happens when they are all used up?


    • Carolyn Evans says:

      Hmmm….should I answer this question outright or leave a little mystery? Okay. As far as how long the Beads should last, that all depends on the couple. What’s a lot of sex to one couple may only be barely enough to another. The Forty Beads Method encourages a consistently healthy sex habit–whatever that means to you and your wife. With regard to what happens when the Beads are gone, I’ll answer that question with a question: If the Method is working for you, as in changing your life (and by your life, I mean yours and your wife’s life) in a majorly positive way, why would you stop using it? The Beads are recyclable–go green! Thanks for your question! Hope you get some Beads!! ::C

      • Matt says:

        I showed my wife your website and she order the book via overnight delivery! Everything I read lines up directly with our life. We’re a young couple (30 and 28) with extremely busy schedules and a 5 month old and are excited about how this could help!


        • Carolyn Evans says:

          Yay! Overnight delivery? You’re soooo getting Beads! I’m so excited for you two! The Method is such a great way to get focused back on each other. Wish I’d been Beading when my kids were babies! ::C

  2. Bryan says:


    My wife and I seen the local news tonight talking about your book, and your beads. She seemed pretty intrigued by the whole idea. I told her to check online to see if we could order it, and she ordered right away! Im so excited, I cant wait to be sharing more love, and to be closer to my wife. I believe your book will help her to understand just how much I love her!

    • Carolyn Evans says:

      Yay! That’s right, Bryan! It’s all about the love! I hope you two have a ball with The Forty Beads Method and please keep me posted. I LOVE hearing stories from my Beaders!

      All the best,

  3. Jamie says:

    Why forty beads? I’m just sitting here thinking that I’m not going to notice a new bead when there are already a few in the bowl. Am I supposed to count my beads everyday? I like the idea of a signal for sex but I think it could be accomplished without a bowl full of beads that I would have to check on and at the same time keep out of my toddler’s reach.

    • Carolyn Evans says:

      Jamie! You’re absolutely right! Every redeemed Bead is removed from your Beadcatcher. And yes, place your Beadcatcher away from the constantly trolling toddler hands. I’ve heard waaaaay too many stories about little girls stealing their daddy’s Bead from the Beadcatcher!

  4. Mike LeMay says:

    Carolyn, do you consider yourself a Christian? If so do you feel your message and methods are consistent with biblical teachings? Thanks for responding.

    • Carolyn Evans says:

      Hi Mike,

      Yep, I am a Christian. And yes, The Forty Beads Method is consistent with biblical teachings like forgiveness, generosity and oh yeah–love! I’ll have to say, though, the colorful language I employed in this book has proven to be a stumbling block for some Christians and I hate that. My mission is to have this Method touch as many marriages as possible. Hope this answers your question 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

When the Stardust Disperses
The beginning of a relationship is magical. You bump along together,…

Continue Reading...

Sign up for the inside scoop on Forty Beads and for Beaders, Beadsupport: encouraging little Beads of wisdom and humor rolled right into your inbox.

Got questions? Send Carolyn Beadmail at: