The Forty Beads blog - marriage advice for couples with no intimacy in their marriage, marriage advice & help from author Carolyn Evans.

Q & A from Best Self Magazine

Questions for Carolyn Evans, author of FORTY BEADS


  1. How would you describe The Forty Beads Method?

The Forty Beads Method is a sweet little token system that sort of magically dissolves the negative tension that can build around sex in a marriage (specifically, the frequency with which it does or does not occur) and replaces it with the sex life you always thought you should have, which in turn creates the relationship you’ve always wanted. It’s all about creating that sense of abundance around sex—which permeates the whole relationship.

  1. I read that the method came from your idea to give your husband 40 days of sex – how did this idea evolve to what it is today?

Once I developed the Method—the rules, the subtleties and began to understand exactly why it works so well, I had to share it with other women. And you know, when we women find something that works for us, we like to tell all our friends about it. So that’s how this Forty Beads Movement began—very organically—by word of mouth.

  1. When did you first realize that if The Forty Beads Method worked for you, it could work for others?

Almost immediately. I was so floored by the amazing changes happening in my relationship but I thought how could all this be happening just because I gave him a bunch of beads? I had a hunch it would work for other women because I’m a really hard one to convince. So if the Method worked for me, I figured it would work well for other women.

  1. From start to completion, how long did it take you to finish the book?

This is the crazy thing. Writing this book was like pouring water from a pitcher. Some writers will hate me for saying this, but I didn’t have a day of writer’s block. I started writing it and I couldn’t rest until it was done. I’d wake up at 4am and write all day. “Obsessed” would be a word that comes to mind. It took me about four months to complete the manuscript.

  1. What is the basic message of The Forty Beads Method?

Sex keeps a couple connected—both physically and emotionally—and a healthy sex life is an important part of a healthy marriage. The Method is about couples having fun as they pull sex back to the front burner of their relationship.

  1. What is the best complement/story you’ve gotten from fans of The Forty Beads Method?

Of course, I get lots of “Thank you’s” from men, but the greatest complement I keep getting is from women telling me that they feel like I’m one of their best friends talking to them when they read Forty Beads. I love that. I feel such a Bond with every woman who uses this Method and I love connecting with them on my facebook page.

Oh my gosh. There have been so many amazing stories. I’ve had many couples tell me that the Method saved their marriage and nothing in this world could make me happier. To impact a life like that? It doesn’t get any better than that.

  1. What does The Forty Beads Method represent to you?

The Method is about choosing love—again and again and continually moving a relationship forward. It’s about not getting bogged down by the petty minutiae of the day, like the sock on the floor or the toilet seat left up. Couples who use the Method continually rise above what commonly pulls them apart on a daily basis.

  1. Do you feel everyone can benefit from The Forty Beads Method?

No. The Method is definitely not for couples where there is abuse of any kind going on. I say to women that if they’re married to a complete jerk, no, the Method is not for them.

Otherwise, yes, I’ve found tat the Method is fun and effective for couples who struggle with conflicting libidos and also those who aren’t really having problems with sex, but just want to change things up and bring some playfulness back to their marriage.

  1. How long were you a therapist and how has that background helped you when writing your book?

I worked as a therapist for maybe 4-5 years, but I think once you’re a therapist, you’re kind of always a therapist—as far as how you view your world. I’ve always been fascinated with people and what makes them do what they do so I guess my personal curiosity along with my desire to improve my own situation were both helpful in writing the book.

          10. What makes The Forty Beads Method unique?

Well, to my knowledge (and I’ve had lawyers research this) there has never been a token system method that involved sex before The Forty Beads Method. Some people are really freaked out by the whole token system—beads for sex—kind of thing, but it’s about sex in a marriage so…

          11. What does the chapter titled “What Would Gloria Say?” cover?

That chapter talks about how using the Method is not about a woman giving up her sexual power in the relationship, but about her sharing the power with her husband—and how the relationship benefits from the sharing of that power. And by the way, a woman reserves the right to “turtle” her Beadcatcher if her husband exhibits some true jerk behavior.

            12. What has been the reaction from men who participated in The Forty Beads Method?

Ummm…they LOVE it.

             13. What questions or reactions have you received from fans?

I get emails everyday from men and women thanking me for writing this book. They tell me things like Finally somebody came out with it—this truth about sex in a marriage. And You’re describing my life and my marriage in your book.

I’ve been surprised and delighted to hear that couples are actually reading the book together, which I think is a great idea, I just hadn’t predicted that would happen.

             14. What would you like readers to take away from the book?

That every choice we make and every action we take either brings us closer to or pulls us further from the love we want. My Beaders tell me that using the Method helps them become more conscious in their relationship and they learn to choose to look at the big picture and not to get pulled down by the irritating little things like they used to.

            15. Did you ever anticipate the book would be such a success and how have you handled it?

I’m so thrilled that the book is resonating with so many women–and men– on such a deep level. Women are reading it quickly and getting their Bead on immediately after and they’re telling me all about it, which is really exciting and fun for me. Some are buying The Forty Beads Gift and others are getting crafty and making their own—which I love.

How have I handled it? I have a fantastic husband who helps out a ton. And I’ve been trying to take good care of myself—I go to bed early and get up early.




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